What You Focus On, You Find: A Lesson in Perspective

She asked us to participate in a simple exercise …

That’s how it started.

She said, “Look around the room and memorize as many things as you can that are the color black.”

The room was packed full of amazing women. We all looked around thoughtfully, carefully, directing our attention to all things the color black. I remember looking at the tall window frames, women in black suit jackets, and my black pen.

She went on, “Now, close your eyes.”

Reluctantly, I closed my eyes. I thought to myself, “I hope this isn’t a meditation exercise. I’ve had entirely too much coffee to relax and breathe.”

Eyes closed, I tried my best to focus on all the things I saw that were black.

Luckily, no mediation.

Unexpectedly, she continued, “Now, keeping your eyes closed, name three things in this room that are pink.”

“Oh no,” I thought to myself. “Pink?” I had less answers than the dryer when I ask it where all the socks go.

Most of the faces in that room looked like mine when we opened our eyes—softly smiling, surprised, we all realized we were looking at the wrong thing entirely. There were lots of things in the room that were pink, but we couldn’t name one.

Since that day, years ago, I’ve used that exercise with various teams. Because in just a few minutes, it clearly demonstrates the most powerful tool you have complete control over—your mind.

Your mind controls what you pay attention to and what you don’t (and how it makes you feel). If you tell your mind to only look at things that are black, you only see things that are black, regardless of what else is there. There could be hundreds of things there that are pink, but you won’t see them if you’re telling your mind to focus on something else.

It’s no different than when you’re thinking about buying something, like a certain make/model of a car. All the sudden you start seeing it everywhere. It’s not because there’s more of it. Your mind is just focused on it, so it’s all you see.  

I remember sitting in the rest of that session, sloppily scribbling notes and thoughts as I embarrassingly realized, I was going about certain things completely wrong. I had more power than I thought.

The speaker in that session was Amy Fuentes—an author, coach, inventor, and woman inspiring other women to break free from the zombie mindset. “Thinking different makes ALL the difference,” her LinkedIn profile says, and she couldn’t be more right. Plus, I hate zombies, so clearly she’s onto something.

Let’s use change as an example. Change has never been happening this fast and it will never be this slow again. So you can be overwhelmed by it or you can be excited for it. Just like Amy’s exercise, if you tell your mind to only see change as bad, any change will be bad. On the other hand, if you tell your mind to only see change as good, any change will be good. The actual change itself is just a thing. Your perspective is what makes it more.

It may seem too simple, but that’s the beauty of it.

That day, Amy explained how obstacles can become opportunities and problems can become possibilities. And for the skeptics, she shared lots of stories that proved it.

I compared her stories to my own experiences and I realized … sometimes we might feel like things are happening to us, but in reality, things are just happening. We control how something or someone makes us feel, what impact it has on us, and if it affects us at all. We determine that. No one else. The problem is, we forget how much power we have.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Amy shared that quote attributed to Dr. Wayne Dyer, and I didn’t just write it down. I drew about 27 bubbles around it, underlined it and folded the corner of that page. I told myself I wouldn’t forget it.

If I said that quote and session changed everything for me, I’d be lying. It didn’t change everything, but it did change how I looked at things.

That afternoon of the Women’s Leadership Conference, I stopped looking at talking to people I’d never met as “networking”. I hated that word. As an introvert, I had told myself “networking” was an uncomfortable thing that I’d force myself to do (because I knew I should), but that it would always be awkward, I’d always hate it, and I’d never be good at it.

So taking Amy’s advice, I wholeheartedly decided to change how I looked at it.

When I recognized Amy at the back of the large hall later that day, without even hesitating, I introduced myself. I shared with her my biggest takeaways and how much I enjoyed her session. Even though we had never met, for some reason, it came naturally. And while short, it was a conversation that left me inspired because I looked at it as just that—a conversation. I had turned what my mind used to look at as awkward into something authentic.

Meet the Author

Melanie Draheim | Chief Marketing Officer at Fox Communities Credit Union | WLC Ambassador
She’s part of a dedicated group of women who have experienced the power of the Women’s Leadership Conference firsthand—and believe deeply in its ability to inspire, connect, and ignite change. Each ambassador plays a key role in sharing that impact with others, helping to bring more women into a space where they feel seen, supported, and empowered to lead.

Feeling inspired? Join us at the 2025 Women’s Leadership Conference and experience it for yourself. Register now!